It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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