shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
