I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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