i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
