There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
