How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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