Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
