put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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