Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
