Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
