hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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