just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
