he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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