a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
