I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
