my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
