Define "chronic" masturbator.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
