sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
