Pants 0. Shit 1.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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