OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
