Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
