My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
