White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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