another moral hangover. fuck.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
