Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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