TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
