So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
