Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
