Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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