and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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