ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
