To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you never un-have a 4some
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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