I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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