Who wears a wallet chain?!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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