omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
