my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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