...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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