If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
