Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
