Will you blow on my dice?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
