Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
