Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
