you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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