So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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