Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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