she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
