is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
