I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
