I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
