i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
