Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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