You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
